Behold, there was a great to-do in St. Petersburg. No NOT that St. Petersburg. This St. Petersburg. There was a group of small men and a woman. There were teams of people that handled round rubber things and a hose that dribbled put put juice. The small men and a woman each buckled themselves into their own personal rocket. It had wings, front and back, but, the wings were upside down, so, they did not fly. Behind the small man there was a great shouty thing. It made tremendous noises and then the rocket acted like a rocket. At each corner of the little shouty rocket with the small man or woman in the middle was a round rubbery thing. The front rubber things slewed left and right, the rear rubber things were wider, yet, when the shouty thing in the back shouted extra loud, the rubbery things rotated so fast that smoke rose into the atmosphere. (Don't tell the EPA!) The streets of the correct St. Petersburg were closed wherever the shouty rockets were. Good thing too, because these little rascals were out of control! They zigged, zagged, and weaved through 30 mph corners at 90 mph or so, they launched assaults on each other, in desperate attempts to pass, with as much control, grace, and poise as a leashed beagle trying to catch a squirrel. Sometimes one would overstep and act like a startled cat on linoleum. Then it would have to be scraped away from the wall it had crunched against like a dropped pretzel. Well, they zigged, they zagged, they lunged, and slid about. Then they emerged from the city streets and entered the airport runway. They shouted along the runway, but eventually, they reached the end of the runway and had to turn back onto the city streets. None of them ever took off from the runway. Silly rockets, the wings are upside down! What did you think would happen?? Well, for reasons I'm not to keen to admit to and face, I found myself watching this strange and bizarre work of uhm...art? There were 2 little men named Scott in this work of uhm...art? They were also Kiwis. Near as I can reckon, that means they are from some island down there called New Zealand, and being so far away means they don't quite talk the way I think one should talk, one of them has a wife named Emma, but, for reasons that must have to do with being Kiwi, he calls her, Emmer. Hm....anyway, well, I really like the Kiwi Scotts, I even think they talk kinda cool, so I watched them in their rockets with great intrigue. Well, the one Kiwi Scott was a rookie just last year. For those of you who are still in...erhm never mind.., that means, beginner. He got to start first in this uhm, art thing. That was also where he stayed. He deduced that if he took it just a wee bit easy on his rocket, he would only need to stop 2 times for rubber things and put put juice. Yet, by my observation, he slewed about and went crazy fast like the rest of em, because no one ever passed him. The other kiwi Scott decided if he were to stop 3 times for rubber things and put put juice he could go even faster! Well, it kinda worked, but, then he came up on this little Frenchman named Romain Grosjean. This guy showed great signs of ferocity when the second kiwi Scott tried to mosey on by, why, he would weave sideways and nearly take the front wing off Kiwi Scott's rocket!! For some reason Kiwi Scott wanted to keep his wing even though it was upside down, and he still hadn't gotten airborne, so he reluctantly settled down and meekly followed the wild Frenchman around for the rest of this uhm...art event. Then someone in a little box above the run-way waved a black and white cloth that looked kinda like a black and white checkboard and the rockets all calmed down. The Kiwi Scott who got to this cloth first was so happy that he leaped from his car with so much enthusiasm that he tipped over and sat down rather abruptly! The other Kiwi Scott was less happy, but, he was still first place amongst the ones who stopped 3 times.
So, I guess it was a race then? Hm, well, if you own a rocket with upside down wings or some such thing, and a man named Scott from New Zealand, or to put it another way, a Kiwi Scott asks to drive it. Then, you should let him, if you want your rocket to get to the cloth that looks like a checkerboard quicker than the rest. Now, if you were to put the wings right side up, I'm not sure what or who should operate your rocket at that point.
This has been my in-depth analysis of the opening race for the 2022 season of the best race series it seems like no one wants to talk about: INDYCAR!
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