Disclaimer: This fictional story contains trace elements of sarcasm. If the reader braves these elements and persists in reading, there might be a point to this; no promises, though.
Telek Holo was a brilliant Christian of our day in the year 2027. He had a profound concept and wanted to share it with the people of his town, so he decided to give a ted talk; what follows is what he said.
"In the gospels of our New Testament, many beautiful things have been recorded of things done and said. As modern men, women, and non-binary individuals with green hair, we have advanced the art of Christianity over this more than 2000-year period to such a degree that we now have two gospels! So, we genuinely have a religion for anyone and a gospel for everyone. Please let me elaborate.
The gospel of Law: We intelligent modern intellectuals have taken the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John along with various points from the books after that and lifted out all the things that were said—especially those spoken by Jesus. Then we improved the principle of what was said by making it into laws for all to follow. We made this gospel for those who must do things and need their religion to be practically spelled out in black-and-white lines that are easy to follow. For example, Jesus said we should love our enemies and turn the other cheek when someone hits us. He also said that we are in a Kingdom, not from this world. For those who must have a tangible rule to follow, we have segments of the Christian population that tell you never to join the military because some people in the military shoot their enemies in the face. Also, to show the world you are not part of its Kingdom, thou shalt not vote. If you stumble across one of those people who loves Jesus while partaking in these forbidden things, you now have a clear line that you can draw and declare such a person not to be a faithful follower of Jesus. If these stances are too radical for you, other variants will take the same art of turning the principle from the New Testament into law and apply it differently. For example, you can find a church that will command you to tithe and faithfully attend and vote Republican and ask God to bless America! Or, you can find a group that will say that to love others truly, you must tax the rich and give it to the poor! Therefore, we need more good old-fashioned Christian socialism. These groups will even help you see how Jesus was probably a socialist.
The gospel of Theology: We intelligent modern intellectuals have taken the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John along with various activities from the books after that and lifted out all the things that were done—especially those done by Jesus. We then took all those beautiful stories, pulled out our intellectual magnifying glasses and word inventor machines, and created the absolute perfect gospel for those who like to live in the grey and use their brains in never-ending circles of debates and disputes about the hows and whys. For example, one of the things Jesus did was die on the cross for us, which saved us if we wanted it. How does that work, though? Did his death pay off the devil as a ransom for our sins? Or did his death satisfy God the Father's need for justice? See now, you have entered an endless rabbit hole where you can discuss the different atonement theories but never agree. You can debate this point with your friends and enemies for the rest of your life. Enjoy! Another example, we know from scripture that God has people who will be with him for eternity and that he knows who they will be in advance, but how are they chosen? Are they entirely predestined so that they have a minimal choice in the matter or are all given complete free will and some accept? With that, we have entered into the Arminian vs. Calvinism debate room with all its significant nuances, which we certainly don't have time to cover in this ted talk.
So with the gospel of theology, every interpretation of a thing done in scripture is a charming new rake to step on and a new opportunity to argue. With the gospel of law, each thing said in scripture is a marvelous opportunity to feel more guilt and pressure to do better! No matter what your..."
At this moment, the brilliant Telek was interrupted by a voice in the back who said, "Isn't this all wrong?! Take the New Testament in its entirety. Both what's said and what's done, then strip away all the manmade rules and theologies you speak of; you will find a simple, pure, unifying gospel that will transform your life and make you into a different kind of person! A person that is like Christ!"
Telek interjected, "Hey, I didn't ask for questions or comments; stand down! If we do as you suggest, it won't work, for we will no longer have all our denominations. Suppose we no longer have our denominations and treat the texts as you suggest. In that case, we might find ourselves with a gospel that cannot accommodate the extremes of the green-haired lesbian and the strict gray-bearded Amish bishop unless both are willing to be transformed into someone different. This lack of inclusivity cannot be, for it would narrow the road and make the gate strait. No, it is better to be inclusive by branching out and serving a gospel flavor for everyone. Anyway, that neatly brings me back to what I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted by that fringe radical in the back, which was that each denomination artfully fuses those two gospels of law and theology into a cohesive religion of its own unique flavor by taking the pieces they want and discarding the pieces they don't. Therefore, we are pleased to announce that with our denominational system, we now have a brand of Christian religion for every person. Every person can now be called a Christian without actually having to change. Thanks for attending my ted talk."
